英語笑話短文：Dad seeking praise 老爸求贊美
5-year-old daughter, wanting her father to help her do something.
Father: “I’m so tired, if you praise me, I’ll Be fresh.”
Daughter: “Lao Zheng!”
Daughter: “Your chick looks really nice ah ……”
老爸：“爸爸很累啦，你夸我兩句吧，你夸我兩句我就又有勁了?！?br /> 女兒：“老鄭!”
A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the stranger turned to the Little Johnny and said, “Let’s talk. I’ve heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”
Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, “What would you like to discuss?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” said the stranger. “How about nuclear power?”
“OK,” said Little Johnny. “That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. “A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?”
“Jeez,” said the stranger. “I have no idea.”
“Well, then,” said Little Johnny, “How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don’t know shit?”
One day, little Suzie was strolling around the house and just happened to pass by her sister’s room. She heard her sister say on the phone to her boy friend”Your such an ass!” and she hung up.Suzie asked what ass had meant and her sister sayin”Uh… it means… uhh.. boyfriend!”. Suzie is delighted to hear a new nice word.
Then,She was walking past the bathroom where her dad was shaving. Her dad had cut himself and yelled “SHIT!” Then turniing around saw little Suzie ask what shit means. Dad, being quite shocked answered”It uhh.. It.. It means shaving cream.”
Then, Suzie walked downstairs to help her mom with the dinner turkey. Suzie’s dad’s boss was coming to dinner tonight.
When Suzie went in the kitchen, her mom accidently cut herself yelled”FUCK!”. Suzie asked what fuck meant and mom replied” it..it..it uummm…it means cut… yeah, cut.” Just as mom said that, the doorbell rang and asked Suzie to go and get it.
When Suzie opened the door, her dad’s boss was standing there. Boss asked” Well hello young lady! Can I ask where your family is?” Then Suzie said” Well, my sister’s upstairs talking to her ass on the phone, my dad’s in the bathroom wiping the shit off his face and my mom’s in the kitchen fucking the turkey!”
Erica:Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet
Pokey:I don’t have the foggiest idea!
Erica:Because he was looking for Pooh!!!!!!
Two little children, a boy and a girl, walked hand-in-hand to a neighbor’s house.
The little girl stood on her tiptoes and just able to reach the doorbell. Then, an elderly lady greeted them at the front door.
“Good morning, children,” she said. “What can I do for you?”
“We’re playing house,” the little girl answered. “This is my husband”… “and I’m his wife. Can we come in?”
Thoroughly enchanted by the scene, the elderly lady replied, “By all means, do come in.”
Once inside, she offered the children lemonade and cookies, which they graciously accepted. When a second tall glass of lemonade was offered, the little girl politely declined.
“No thank you,” she said. “We have to go now. My husband just wet his pants.”